


Life Eternal

by i_am_a_hog



Series: Jesus Christ Superstar [41]
Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Can yall believe?!, Hell, I'm back!, Inspired by a poem, It's been months, M/M, They're already dead, anyway, but alas, but there's a beautiful production playing in my town rn and I saw it twice already in 1 week, heavily aestheticised language, hey look, i should be studying, so my jesus juices are back, so there's not technically any major character death, there is 1 kiss, waiting for my writing juices to catch up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 04:58:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19660297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_a_hog/pseuds/i_am_a_hog
Summary: Just read the tags, I guess.





	Life Eternal

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Life Eternal by Ghost.  
> (unbetaed, so pls forgive mistakes.)  
> Inspired by the following poem by D. Ruth Etchells:
> 
> The Ballad of the Judas Tree
> 
> In Hell there grew a Judas Tree  
> Where Judas hanged and died  
> Because he could not bear to see  
> His master crucified  
> Our Lord descended into Hell  
> And found his Judas there  
> For ever hanging on the tree  
> Grown from his own despair  
> So Jesus cut his Judas down  
> And took him in his arms  
> "It was for this I came" he said  
> "And not to do you harm  
> My Father gave me twelve good men  
> And all of them I kept  
> Though one betrayed and one denied  
> Some fled and others slept  
> In three days' time I must return  
> To make the others glad  
> But first I had to come to Hell  
> And share the death you had  
> My tree will grow in place of yours  
> Its roots lie here as well  
> There is no final victory  
> Without this soul from Hell"  
> So when we all condemned him  
> As of every traitor worst  
> Remember that of all his men  
> Our Lord forgave him first
> 
> This sets the scene. [(the poem on tumblr)](https://judas-lover.tumblr.com/post/186047875976/in-hell-there-grew-a-judas-tree-where-judas-hanged)

It was silent.

Judas stared ahead at nothing.

At everything.

His neck was hurting, throat too sore to speak, as if a divine hand still held power over him, choking any words out of him. He looked straight ahead, and there were no tears in his eyes.

He felt like crying.

Judas’ back was leaned against a tree, the rough bark scraping against his back, like countless lashes from an iron-tipped whip, even at the slightest movement.

Under his thighs, the ground was cold, too cold to touch; soon the cold would eat through his clothes, seep into his flesh and bones, making him freeze in place forever.

Judas’ gaze shifted up; there was still nothing.

His head was hurting, pounding with every inexplicable beat of his broken heart.

Life eternal was a curse, after all.

Judas’ eyes were stinging from the cold, dry air, from never blinking, but he just kept on staring, looking onto the void, looking for answers, still.

Gentle words were ringing in his ears; words he couldn’t understand or reply to. The sound hurt him, an ache settling in his entire body, so subtly and creeping, he barely noticed, until he was trying to writhe away, flinching from himself.

His hands were pushing at hot skin; he felt like he was burning, but eventually gave in and slumped forward into an embrace.

His eyes still directed upwards.

Judas’ fingertips were travelling over cut skin, bruised flesh, tracing every line of muscle, searching frantically for something to hold onto, but without success.

There was a hand at the nape of his neck, and it felt like a touch directly to his soul.

His sob was the first noise to break the total silence. It was a strangled noise, desperate and pathetic.

Another hand wandered across his back, until it was wrapped around him completely, locking Judas’ shivering, aching form into place against a solid chest, that barely moved, even with breaths.

His eyes were still plastered to the unyielding horizon of nothing.

_Can you feel it?_

There was no sound, still, except for Judas’ ragged breaths.

“What?” he mouthed, only the slightest breath escaping his bruised lips. His mouth tasted like warm blood, like a crime itself, the taste did not subside, no matter how much he tried to swallow it or spit it out.

_I never doubted you._

The emotions in Judas’ chest dared to boil over, he was not sure he could restrain himself much longer.

There was a certain weight to the next words.

_I won’t forgive you._

Judas’ heart was heavy, his eyes fell shut. He had no reason to hold on.

_There is nothing to forgive._

_You did what was asked of you._

Judas took a deep breath, perhaps too deep; he felt light-headed, eve through all the pain. Perhaps because of the pain.

“Jesus,” he rasped out, voice unrecognisable.

There was no response, and in his unsteady mind, Judas could not decide whether he would like to get one.

The arms around him stayed just as steady, and Judas allowed himself to rest his head against the shoulder before him.

“You saved me.”

Nothing.

“I should never have…”

No reaction.

“You… you died.”

_I died._

“I’m sorry.”

Judas’ throat was hurting worse than before. He wanted to stop speaking but couldn’t get himself to.

“I love you.”

Jesus’ head shifted ever so slightly.

“Don’t know how,” Judas admitted, eyes ready to tear up, throat clogged with emotions and unshed tears.

Jesus pressed his lips against the top of Judas’ head, a gentle kiss, completely unlike the last they had shared.

“I love you,” Judas repeated, speaking against Jesus’ neck.

“I love you. I’m sorry. I don’t know… wasn’t myself. I left you. I’m sorry,” he chanted, over and over; a mantra of pain and despair, uttered through bloodied teeth and split lips, from a broken throat, air pressed out of bruised lungs in heart-shattering despair.

“I know,” Jesus said, and for a long moment, Judas was still too caught up in his own mind that he didn’t realise, Jesus had spoken out loud.

“I forgive you.”

Judas jerked back in surprise; his entire body was aching, but he needed to see now. Jesus’ form against the landscape of overwhelmingly nothing, was like a beacon of hope, even in death.

His eyes were shining like always; there was blood on his face, on his hands, on his chest, there was so much blood; the wounds in his wrists gaping and gruesome. But Jesus was still graceful and beautiful.

He reached out a hand, traced two fingers gently along the curve of Judas’ neck. It stopped hurting, as if the pain itself was quivering before Jesus.

“I’m sorry it had to be. You deserved better.”

Judas just looked up at him, trying to put his emotions into words.

“I couldn’t… couldn’t bear watching them destroy you,” he finally pressed out.

“They didn’t.” Jesus smiled, and it made Judas angry at everybody who had a part in hurting this man. Especially himself.

Something about those words, paired with Jesus’ state, broken, beaten, cut open for all the world and realms beyond to see, and something about the fact that Jesus was not with God or in heaven, but with Judas, gave him the strength to reach out himself. With hands, burned from the pull of a rope, marked with the struggle against a death he wasn’t ready to face, he reached out for Jesus.

His hands were met. Enclosed softly between Jesus’.

And once again, he stared blankly ahead into the nothing behind Jesus, the nothing all around them. The nothing, he would spend his eternity in, forever reaching out to a lost love.

“I’m not lost.”

Judas’ eyes snapped to meet Jesus’.

He meant those words, and he sealed them over Judas’ lips with a kiss. An act of trust, an act of forgiveness. An act of devotion, counteracting the betrayal of their previous kiss.

The taste of blood was like a barrier between them, eager tongues too weak to erase the terrors of love.

And in this silent show of devotion, they collapsed into one another, souls entwining, bodies tangling together, as they came to rest on the ground.

Judas looked past Jesus and saw nothing. He never would. But with just this moment lending strength to his soul, he could face eternity alone.

For Jesus, he had to.

**Author's Note:**

> YEEEET
> 
> I love pain and suffering. pls leave comments and kudos, if you liked it. I always love feedback.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
